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  • Durga Dasi

Hanuman and the Grace of Fear

Updated: May 29, 2020





Let’s discuss a four lettered word, beginning with the letter F.

No, not that one… the OTHER “F-Word”…

Fear.

Fear is a thief, stealing from us our very essence… paralyzing us from our innermost depths. I imagine it to be a dark cloud, seemingly innocent enough at first. After all, fear is a part of our human evolution, a key to our survival as a species. We’re still here because we learned to “fight, flight or freeze” (more F Words…); and these patterns, these ways of BEING, are ingrained in our limbic systems, or most primitive part of our brains. This is the center of our motivation, emotion, learning, and memory.

Memory. Oh yes… memories. Trauma. The twin sibling of Fear. The two go hand in hand. I’ve yet to meet anyone with major trauma who doesn’t also struggle with quantitative amounts of fear, often disguised as anxiety or non-commitment. We don’t dare allow anyone “in”… can’t possibly give ourselves fully to another, even ourselves. No one can see…

This fear becomes the catalyst for decisions, actions and emotions that often leave us feeling imprisoned to ourselves. We discover our way of Being, of showing up in life, as less than desirable… and are left spinning, seeking an exit route.

Some of us find it in temporary fixes… others find it in more permanent “solutions”, leaving our families and friends to pick up the pieces of a life cut short by pain… intolerable suffering caused by Fear; fear of ourselves, of memories, of the unknown… Fear.

Still, some of us will be lavishly graced with other pathways through the darkness, answering a Call and trusting that Great Unknown.

For me, this path has been Yoga.

My Practice has given me a Home within mySelf… feeling safe in my own body, in my home and in relationships. It has given me Breath and Stillness, even in moments when my world has, yet again, been turned any way but upright.

On the mat, I’ve been able to gently gather the splinters and shards of my broken heart; allowing them to be Divinely pieced back together, held in place by Love… forming a mosaic that is truly beautiful.